Family Gatherings (i.e. one's worst nightmare)
by Erushi
Summary: Brad+His wife, son & brother-in-law+Family gathering=CHAOS! BradXSchu in later chapters. Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1: The Call

1 Family Gatherings (i.e. one's worst nightmare)  
  
2 By: Elemental Gal  
  
Chapter 1: The Call  
  
"Well? Truth or dare?" Schuldig grinned evilly at his bespectacled teammate.  
  
Brad snorted. How they had managed to persuade him to play Truth or Dare was beyond him. A moment of weakness, then BAM, he was stuck in this ridiculous game.  
  
"Truth." After all, Schudig was notorious for issuing horrible dares.  
  
An evil grin was warning enough of his terrible fate.  
  
"Hmmm… So, Braddy, why don't you tell us all 'bout your family?"  
  
Brad almost choked. Since when was his background of such an interest? "None of your bloody business. And DON'T call me Braddy."  
  
"Sure, BRADDY. And it is my bloody business, considering how all our backgrounds are known to you, and yours virtually unknown to us?"  
  
Whatever retort the clairvoyant had was cut off by the shrill ringing of the phone. Thanking whatever guardian angel was watching over him, he went over to answer the call.  
  
Back in the living room, the three remaining members of Schwarz watched with great amusement as Brad's face turned whiter by the moment. The look on his face was so comical that all three of them were howling with laughter by the time their leader returned.  
  
"So, what happened?" Nagi asked innocently, trying to wipe the smirk of his face. Schu and Farf were too busy clutching their stomachs to even make an intelligible sound.  
  
"That was my mom."  
  
Now that caught everyone's interest. They stared at him, willing him to continue.  
  
"She wants me to return home for a family gathering."  
  
"So? That's a good thing, right?" Nagi ventured hesitantly.  
  
That was when Brad winced. "I told her I was married with a kid, and stayed with my loving brother-in-law."  
  
Stares and open mouths. They could not believe what they were hearing.  
  
Brad took a deep breath and plunged. "The problem is, she wants to meet them too." 


	2. Chapter 2: Begging & Bribery

1 The second chapter (at last) . . . The results when one has an overdose of camping and waaaaay too little sleep (and chocolate).  
  
*Disclaimer at first chapter*  
  
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2 Family Gatherings (i.e. one's worst nightmare)  
  
3 By: Elemental Gal  
  
Chapter 2: Begging & Bribery  
  
Schuldig was starting to feel highly uncomfortable. So was Nagi and Farfie, come to think of it. he could feel their discomfort radiating off them in waves. Brad, meanwhile, was pacing up and down in front of them, something he had been doing for the past hour.  
  
Suddenly he paused, looking straight up. The gleam in his eye sent the three remaining members of Schwarz diving for safety behind the couch, just barely peeking out.  
  
"Schuldig, Nagi, Farf, get our asses here. I have the perfect plan!"  
  
"NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"  
  
At once, three doors slammed as their occupants sought the refuge of their various rooms.  
  
"You may screw your ass for all I care, Brad, but I am not going as your wife!" (Schu can read minds, remember?) Schuldig shouted from behind his door.  
  
"I have survived perfectly well without a family, and I don't intend to have one now! Not with some so-called 'grandmother' fussing to see if her darling 'grandson' was eating enough . . . " Nagi shuddered. The very thought made his skin crawl. (let's just assume that Schu decided to inform his teammates due to a sudden worry with regards to their welfare)  
  
"Does it hurt God?" The voice of the remaining member of Schwarz floated from his room.  
  
"FARF!"  
  
Brad sighed, pushing up his glasses. "Please, guys, I'll do anything, even being your slave . . . but only if you agree to go through this act. I'll give you something as a down payment, and even more after I pull this off. And yes, Farf, it would hurt God."  
  
Silence as everyone pondered, mentally calculating the pros and cons.  
  
"Well, you can start by not complaining about my going to pubs. And of course, there are lots of things you can buy, like that tight leather pants . . . "  
  
"Not to forget the new computer I saw just yesterday, the latest model with all the cool gadgets and programmes. Oh, and some computer games would be nice, and the latest Nintendo . . . "  
  
"Cheating parents hurts God . . . "  
  
As one, all three stepped out of their rooms.  
  
Brad breathed a sigh of relief, though a thread of uneasiness began to enter his mind. Just what was he getting himself into? 


	3. Chapter 3: Shopping The Final Touch!

Back after a long hiatus. Hope this doesn't bore the pants off anyone, assuming anyone reads it . . .  
  
Disclaimer, you know the drill.  
  
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Family Gatherings (i.e. one's worst nightmare)  
  
By: LC  
  
Chapter 3: Shopping - The Final Touch!  
  
Nagi sighed, repressing the urge to fling everything in his path to the ceiling of the evil building otherwise known as the shopping mall. Just how did he always get himself involved with these ridiculous schemes? Mentally he went down the list as to why they should *not* be where they were.  
  
One. It was not his problem that Crawford had to feed his family such a ridiculous lie. There had to be more than one excuse for not meeting his parents than being the leading man of a fantastic family.  
  
Two. He was sure that there was something in store which would surely spell the death of him. Pity he couldn't pick minds like Schu.  
  
Three. He hated shopping. It was a girl thing. And last time he checked, he was definitely not a girl.  
  
Four. Somehow, they were attracting plenty of attraction. Not at all good for his assassin image. He was pretty sure it had something to do with Farf on a leash (he had chased a female shopper up a three with a dagger the last time he was let loose in a shopping mall, something about the blood of a virgin hurting God), though Schu was not helping matters with his bitching.  
  
Then of course were the reasons as to why he *should* be where they were.  
  
One. There was this fantastic computer system promised.  
  
Two. He could very well not do with a pay cut.  
  
Three. It was vastly amusing, watching his fellow team members pick up what they need. He could have sworn he saw his mighty and strong team leader blush as Schu picked up his pair of leather pants and newest clubbing shirt. The former when worn could very well have been painted onto the German's legs, and the latter did not, in his opinion, come under the category of 'shirt'. Weren't clothes supposed to serve the purpose of covering the body?  
  
The list of pros did not exactly even out with the cons.  
  
By the time the whole team had finished picking out their bribes, they were left with one poorer Crawford and three members grinning from ear to ear. And the situation did an about turn.  
  
Their first stop was some department store for kids, where Nagi found another pro to add to his list of pros and cons.  
  
Four. Finally would he receive a change of clothes. Somehow, his entire team had the impression that a young boy in an unflattering grey uniform would always be underestimated by clients and enemies alike. As much as he hated it, it was true. But there is only so much grey one can bear, and as said before, the uniform would hardly have won any fashion awards.  
  
Though come to think of it, bright orange and green was a bit too much. And he was quite convinced he had no use for a teddy bear, especially not those vacant-eyed ones which were unreasonably huge and furry, coloured a shade of brown so revolting it ]was neither here nor there.  
  
Then came the some tailor's. Poor man, he looked so worn out, Nagi rather doubted his capability of sewing a stitch, much less the four suits he was commissioned to. Of course, this might have had something to do with being stabbed accidentally with his scissors twice, getting strangled by his measuring tape twice and getting poked by pins and needles countless of times in his mad pursuit of Farf all around the shop. The two 'respectable yet casual' suits for the brother-in-law had to be done, along with the two dull (and unreasonably expensive, giving the designs) Armani ones - the parents had to think their son was doing well.  
  
And their last destination? The woman's boutique . . . 


End file.
